so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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