She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
