also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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