Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
