he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
