Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
