this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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