just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
