Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
