I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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