I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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