sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
