it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We got so high we made milksteak
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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