the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize