new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
