I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
