the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
