Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
