i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
