shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
