she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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