whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Randomize
