You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
