i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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