I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
