It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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