He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
