I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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