Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
