well you can't waste a boner
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
