So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
