I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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