I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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