Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
