New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
