Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
