She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
