Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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