Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
