Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
