tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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