I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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