Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize