She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
