here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
