i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
