I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
