if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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