i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
