We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
