You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
