goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
