she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
