I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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