idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
