Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
