And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
