No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
