saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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