Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize