She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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