the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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