So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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