I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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