Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
