Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
