Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
