do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
