I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
