the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
