I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm at about main and main street
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
