He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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