Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
two words...techno handjob
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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