Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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