JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
vagina is talking i cant
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
