god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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