you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
