He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
