Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Randomize
