i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
