Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
