drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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