you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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