There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
