Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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