You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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