I look better un-naked...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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