it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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