hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
