In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was born a porn star she said
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize