does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
