capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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