oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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