Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
