Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
