I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
