So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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