Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize