I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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