I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
