all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize