Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All the doctor said was why
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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