Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
