So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
