I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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