have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
