I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
