i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize