U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
