SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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