So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
